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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Lines That Divide US

“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”  These words, spoken by Aristotle, are too often ignored and the price we pay is high .  When street gangs substitute for families and schoolyard insults end in stabbings it is a sure sign of a lack of empathy.  Being able to empathize is a crucial ability that forms part of Emotional Quotient (EQ) and matters immensely in terms of how we do in life.  Empathy has to do with knowing another person’s feelings, feeling what that person feels and responding compassionately to another’s distress.

Empathy acts as a buffer to cruelty and is a quality known to be lacking in child molesters and psychopaths.  Empathy is also known to lead to acts of altruism which is known to activate emotions that are vital to the maintaining of good health.

Schools that develop emotional literacy programs, designed to help children learn to manage anger, frustration, and loneliness see lunch time fights, for example, decrease from two or three a day to almost none.

How much happier would we be, how much more successful as individuals and civil as a society, if we were more alert to the importance of Emotional Quotient?

Aristotle also wrote: “Anyone can become angry, that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and the right way — this is not easy.”

The good news is that empathy is an innate quality that can be shaped by experience.  The greater your ability to empathize the greater your EQ.

Adriano

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Helper’s High

There is no shortage of studies that show that happier people live longer.  They are also less likely to suffer heart attacks, strokes and pain from conditions like rheumatoid arthritis.  It is also well documented that people who express positive emotions come down with fewer colds and flus after being exposed to the virus than those who express negative emotions like anger sadness or stress.  So how can we get “happy” and stay there?

In their book, The Healing Power of Doing Good, Allan Luks and Peggy Payne talk about the “helper’s high,” a feeling of exhilaration and a burst of energy similar to that experienced after intense exercise, followed by a period of calmness and serenity.

For the book, Luks studied over 3,000 Americans involved in volunteer services to find that these do-gooders reported a helper’s high that lasted several weeks and improved other aspects of their lives. They also report that the euphoric sensation returned when they remembered the action of helping others.

The benefits of charity go beyond improving sensations and emotions.  Of the group Luks studied for his book, 90% reported that volunteering acted as an antidote to stress, chronic pain, and even insomnia.

Another study found that members of volunteer organizations lived longer and experienced better health. The volunteers experienced noteworthy decreases in levels of blood pressure, stomach acid and cholesterol counts. Harvard University in a similar study dubbed the “Mother Teresa effect” showed 132 students a film about Mother Teresa’s work among the Calcutta’s poor, and than measured the level of Immunoglobin A, present in the saliva.  The test revealed increased levels of immunoglobin A which is the body’s first defense against the common cold virus – all after simply witnessing somebody else involved in charity work.

These studies show how important acts of altruism are in boosting a sense of well-being and maintaining good health.  It also shows why we should never pass up a chance to deliver a thank you note to someone who has been especially kind or helpful but never properly appreciated, or why it would pay to be there for someone even though it is not convenient.  But perhaps most importantly it also supports the dictum that the surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself.

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Does Social Networking help us live longer?

Can social networking sites like facebook and myspace actually help us live longer?  Facebook claims to have over 400 Million active users and that the average user has 130 friends.   As of yet, no studies have examined a direct connection between online social networking and physical health but there are decades of research demonstrating links between social support and health.

“The more connected you are with other people the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally.  The less connected you are the less meaningful your life”.  This from a study by C. Norman Shealy, M.D. and Carolyn Myss, Ph.D.,  they found that love and being loved is a factor in improving the immune system, adding to life expectancy and creating overall happiness.  Their research shows that even bad habits like smoking and overeating have less of an impact on those who are relationally connected and have a loving support system.

Another study, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, ran for 10 years and was done on the older population of South Australia.  It also found that people who keep up with their BFFs have longer life expectancies.

In the study researchers collected the names of men and women over age 70 from electoral rolls and recruited 1,477 to be in the study. Using surveys and questionnaires, they asked participants to rate the quality of their relationships with their children, other relatives, friends, and confidants and how frequently participants had contact with those individuals. To control for other potential contributors to premature death, researchers also asked about their health problems and other lifestyle factors (smoking, drinking, or depression, for instance). After 10 years, roughly 40 percent of the original participants were still living. The authors found that those who remained were more likely in their survey responses to have reported having friends and confidants than did the individuals who had subsequently died.

Being social and having deep connectedness with other people is what we we are made for and its an indispensable condition for human flourishing.  Although simply having a rolodex full on names or thousands of friends on your Facebook profile won’t guarantee you a longer life, the evidence certainly seems to be clear that as human beings we are hardwired to connect with others and that those who master the skill of cultivating great friendships will live the most rewarding and fulfilling lives.

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The Dark Triad – Part 4 Psychopath

Skip to: Part 1 Intro –       Part 2 Narcissist –      Part 3 Machiavellian

The hallmark of psychopathy is a lack of empathy.  In fact when it comes to empathy, psychopaths have none; they have special difficulty recognizing fear or sadness on people’s faces or in their voices.

In a 2002 Study, David Kosson and Yana Suchy, asked psychopathic inmates to name the emotion expressed in each of 30 faces; compared to controls, Psychopaths had a

significantly lower rate of accuracy in recognizing disgusted facial affect.

Psychopaths are glib and superficially charming, and many psychopaths are excellent mimics of normal human emotion.

The consensus among researchers is that psychopathy stems from a specific neurological disorder which is biological in origin and present from birth.  It is estimated that one percent of the general population are psychopaths.

For Psychopaths other people are just a mark, to be duped, used and discarded.  They lack any sense of guilt or remorse for any harm they may have caused others, instead rationalizing the behavior, blaming someone else, or denying it outright.

Psychopaths also feel no anticipatory fears, they are virtually oblivious to the threat of punishment.

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If I had my life to live over

By Erma Bombeck

 

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The following was written by Erma Bombeck who was a journalist and humor columnist writing mostly about suburban family life. She suffered from polycystic kidney disease and died days after receiving a kidney transplant.

 

 

If I had my life to live over. . .

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the “good” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s.” More “I’m sorry’s.”

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it… live it… and never give it back.

Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.

Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who DO love us.

Let’s think about what God HAS blessed us with.

And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.

Life is too short to let it pass you by.

We only have one shot at this and then it’s gone.

I hope you all have a blessed day.

 

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It all goes back in the box!

 

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The following is from Jerry Seinfeld, who wrote it a few years ago.

“To me, if life boiled down to one significant thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving. Unfortunately, this means that for the rest of our lives, we’re going to be looking for boxes. When you’re moving, your whole world is boxes.  That’s all you think about– boxes, where are the boxes?  You just wander down the street going in and out of stores.  ‘Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes?’ That’s all you think about.  “You could be at a funeral.  Everyone around you is mourning, crying, and you’re looking at the casket, ‘That’s a nice box. Anybody know where that guy got that box? When he’s done with it, you think I could get it? It’s got some nice handles on it. My stereo would fit right in there.” I mean that’s what death is, really, the last big move of your life.  The hearse is like the van. The pallbearers are your close friends, the only ones you could ask to help you with a big move like that.  And the casket is that great, perfect box you’ve been waiting for your whole life.” 

 

You can find the remainder of this post and  accompanying video in its entirety on Ordinary Miracle’s sister blog Rated JC

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The white horse – Phlegmatic

“And I looked, and behold a white horse: and his name that sat on him was Peace.   Its rider is resistant to change and its need was to be respected and to have feelings of worth”

Skip to: Part 1   Part 2   Part 3  Part 4

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As a child were you passive in your playpen and understanding if your bottle was overdue?  Did your mother brag that you were a good baby and never gave her any trouble?  Did you like to nap?  Did  you try to keep everyone happy and avoid getting in to trouble?  Then you are a Phlegmatic whose desire is to have peace at any cost.

The Phlegmatic’s underlying desire and need is to keep the peace.  When peace is not possible, the Phlegmatic often withdraws and emotionally shuts down, often refusing communication until peace is restored.  Rather than face the enemy, the Phlegmatics retreat until one side wins the war, and than they join the victorious team.  The Phlegmatic, underneath it all, is longing for respect.

Phlegmatics don’t want to be goaded on by others to become something they aren’t, they just want to be accepted as is and be considered a person of value and worth.

Because the Phlegmatic is a low-key person, their mate often take him or her for granted.  While the Phlegmatic with his/her cool relaxed nature doesn’t set out to have an affair, it is easy to see that when someone makes him/her feel important, they perk up.  Phlegmatics withdraw when they are ignored.

Because Phlegmatics are not pushy or pretentious, others often overlook them and don’t bother to pull them in to the conversation.  Although they don’t appear to mind being ignored, there comes that day when he asks himself, “What am I doing here?  If no one seems to need me, why don’t I find someone who will really care?

Phlegmatics fall in to depression when they face conflict and/or have feelings of insignificance.  Phlegmatics, however, can handle conflict if they are not personally threatened and make the best mediator or arbiter.  They are excellent counsellors giving objective views to other people’s problems, but don’t want to be the center of the controversy or be told by someone else to change their ways.

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Adriano

 

 

 

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