Juxtaposition: “I am so starving”

I Am So Starving

Oh, my God, I am so starving. I swear, if I don’t get something to eat in like two minutes, I am going to die.

I cannot believe how completely famished I am. Why do we have to wait for Tyler to get home from soccer practice? I want to eat now. It’s almost 6:15.

I didn’t even get to eat lunch today. Erica and I had to sign up for kickline tryouts at noon. We got to the cafeteria way late, and we weren’t about to stand in line with the sophomores. All I had was a Twix and half a bag of Fritos. Plus, the stupid machine was out of Diet Coke.

No, I did not still have those carrot sticks left at lunch. I ate them all after second period. Duh.

Did you hear that? I can totally hear my stomach making these weird growling noises. I think I’m going to faint.

Please, please, please let me eat now so I can go up to my room–I have a ton of people to call tonight. It’s so lame how you make us all wait to eat dinner together. Erica always gets to eat by herself in the living room with the TV on.

If we’re going to wait this long for Tyler, he has to load the dishwasher. I did it last night, and it was totally nasty because you made that lasagna, and I had to scrape all the gunky cheese off the pan.

I am so totally starving. You know, it’s against the law to treat your kids like this. You could get thrown in jail by the social-services people for this kind of abuse.

Oh my God, what are you taking out of the oven? Is that, like, salisbury steak? I could seriously puke just looking at that. You actually expect me to eat that? Yeah, right. Like I’m really gonna put that in my mouth. I’ll be in my room if I get any phone calls.

Ugh. I swear, I could just die.

I Am So Starving

My God, I am starving. If I do not find something to eat soon, I will surely die.

Hunger consumes my life. My young body is hunched and weak, as if I were an old man. Some days, I pass the time by counting my bones.

I would walk 100 miles through the desert to reach a handful of millet. The sight of a sparrow carcass would make my mouth water, if only I were not too dehydrated to salivate. I have not eaten a full meal since the last rain, which caused a few precious patches of field grass to sprout. Soon, there will be none of us left.

I am so very, very hungry. I grow thinner and thinner, as my body starts to digest its very self. The last thing I ate was a small lizard. This was nine days ago. I gave half of it to my only remaining brother. I did this to return a favor: Last month, he discovered a piece of tree bark and shared his bounty with me. Unfortunately, my body was so unaccustomed to food, I was soon doubled over in pain, as a flood of liquid shot from my bowels. Ever since then, my rectum has protruded from my anus. My lower intestines have begun to push their way out, as well.

They say it is almost the new year, but I do not know if I will live to see it. My stomach is swollen as if I were pregnant. I joked with my brother about this yesterday, rubbing my bloated belly and calling it “my little one.” My brother did not laugh. He lowered his head and cried.

My legs are like sticks and my eyes nearly sightless. I am careful not to allow myself to daydream about the harvest feasts of my youth, for my weak heart might race and burst in my chest. Those who are still alive have taken to swallowing dirt and rocks in an attempt to stop the hunger pains. Oh, God, why are we made to suffer so?

My only distraction from the constant, gnawing hunger is the chill that runs through my bones. Even in the sweltering heat, I am cold. Perhaps I will soon die of pneumonia. This would finally quell the pangs of hunger. I long to live, but, even more, I long to die.

 

The above was originally written for the onion and can be found here 

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Butter-Side-Down Syndrome

 

Why does toast almost always fall butter side down?  The experts say it boils down to  the fact that when toast falls gravity makes it start to spin, and this natural consequence of gravity acting on the typical height of the average breakfast table causes the toast to land butter-side-down.  As an alternative you could eat breakfast atop a ladder so that the toast has time to turn right-side-up again.  

Of course how it happens doesn’t matter to us nearly as much as the simple fact that it does happen.  Since eating breakfast is one of the first things we do to start our day, when our toast falls (usually butter-side-down) its often our human nature to attribute it to the start of a bad day.  In truth though, we should count ourselves lucky that our toast even had a chance to fall when you consider that as many as 600 Americans every year are said to be killed falling out of bed.  The fact is “stuff happens”, that’s not in our control.  But its not what happens to you that’s important, its how you react.

Optimism is an outlook on life such that one maintains a view of the world as a positive place, or one’s personal situation as a positive one.  Optimists believe that regardless of the external world or situation, one should choose to feel good about it and make the most of it.  Having a “glass half full” attitude and thinking optimistically from an early age in life predicts health and well being in later years.  Optimism has demonstrable benefits, and pessimism has drawbacks.  This according to Christopher Petersen, PhD & author of A Primer in Positive Psychology.  He goes on to say that optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale as well as success, popularity and good health.  Even if you have been a pessimist for many years, its not too late to change your way of thinking and reap the benefits of a positive attitude.

Indeed one source of positive or negative outlook may well be inborn temperament – that is that, by nature, some people tend one way or the other.  But temperament can be tempered by experience.  Optimism and hope, like helplessness and despair, can be learned.  Self-efficacy is what psychologists refer to as the belief that one has mastery over the events of one’s life and can meet challenges as they occur.  A researcher on self-efficacy, Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura, states: “People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities.  Ability is not a fixed property, there is a huge variability on how you perform.  People who have a sense of self-efficacy bounce back from failures; they approach things in terms of how to handle them rather than worrying about what can go wrong.”

So as the saying goes, some days we’re the windshield and some days we’re the bug and on those days toast will inevitably fall, airlines will “misplace” our luggage and car engines will break down when we most need them to work.  But a positive attitude helps us cope more easily with our daily struggles, and effects critical aspects of our life such as success, popularity and health.

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If I had my life to live over.

By Erma Bombeck

 

The following was written by Erma Bombeck who was a journalist and humor columnist writing mostly about suburban family life. She suffered from polycystic kidney disease and died days after receiving a kidney transplant.

 

 

If I had my life to live over. . .

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the “good” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s.” More “I’m sorry’s.”

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it… live it… and never give it back.

Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.

Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who DO love us.

Let’s think about what God HAS blessed us with.

And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.

Life is too short to let it pass you by.

We only have one shot at this and then it’s gone.

I hope you all have a blessed day.

 

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It all goes back in the box!

 

The following is from Jerry Seinfeld, who wrote it a few years ago.

“To me, if life boiled down to one significant thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving. Unfortunately, this means that for the rest of our lives, we’re going to be looking for boxes. When you’re moving, your whole world is boxes.  That’s all you think about– boxes, where are the boxes?  You just wander down the street going in and out of stores.  ’Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes?’ That’s all you think about.  ”You could be at a funeral.  Everyone around you is mourning, crying, and you’re looking at the casket, ‘That’s a nice box. Anybody know where that guy got that box? When he’s done with it, you think I could get it? It’s got some nice handles on it. My stereo would fit right in there.” I mean that’s what death is, really, the last big move of your life.  The hearse is like the van. The pallbearers are your close friends, the only ones you could ask to help you with a big move like that.  And the casket is that great, perfect box you’ve been waiting for your whole life.” 

 

You can find the remainder of this post and  accompanying video in its entirety on Ordinary Miracle’s sister blog Rated JC

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CFS & VCS

Chronic Fatigue & Visual Contrast Sensitivity

Many people are chronically ill due to the presence of biotoxins in their system that they are unable to naturally eliminate. Chronic, biotoxin-induced illness is only now beginning to be recognized by the medical community. Many patients have previous diagnoses that do not recognize the underlying cause of illness in these individuals.

These diagnoses includes Chronic- or Post-Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, sick building syndrome, depression, multiple chemical sensitivity, multiple sclerosis, Bell’s palsy, sensory-neural deafness, irritable bowel syndrome, low vision, chronic soft tissue injury, learning disability and endometriosis. Other diagnoses such as chronic Ciguatera seafood poisoning, Possible Estuary Associated Syndrome, poisonous spider bites, Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease (endogenous toxin) and mycotoxicosis were thought to involve biotoxins, but there was no known effective treatment.

Standard medical diagnostic tests are usually normal in patients who have these biotoxin-induced illnesses, which makes it difficult to diagnose and treat. There is now however a simple tool tool that assists in diagnosis by showing evidence of a neurological deficit. That screening tool is the visual contrast sensitivity test (VCS). A positive VCS test, in the presence of biotoxin expo

sure potential, and a symptom complex involving multiple systems, and in the absence of other historical, medical or treatment conditions that likely explain the symptoms, provide a basis for making a diagnosis of Probable Biotoxin-Mediated Illness. 

The visual system includes a complex neurological network that involves the retina, optic nerve, brain nuclei and the visual cortex. One of the main outputs of the visual system is pattern vision. The VCS tests is an indicator of ability to detect visual patterns. The test measures the least amount of contrast between light and dark bars (sinusoidal grating) that is needed for the viewer to detect the bars. VCS is measured at five different bar sizes (spatial frequencies) because perception of different bar sizes is mediated by different physiological components, and these components are differentially susceptible to effects from different toxic substances (10-17). The largest effects of biotoxins are at the mid-size bars (1-8). To measure VCS, viewers are presented a series of bar patterns at each of the five bar sizes. Viewers respond by indicating that the bars are tilted to the left, tilted to the right, are straight up and down, or that they cannot see any bars. The pattern with the lowest contrast that is correctly identified is the measure of VCS for that bar size. Upon completing the VCS test, viewers receive a message indicating that biotoxins are (positive) or are not (negative) likely to be involved in their illness. The criteria for getting a “positive” VCS result is set high to avoid false positive results. This occasionally results in a false negative result; some cases of chronic-biotoxin induced illness may pass the VCS test some times. VCS can be measured during treatment to monitor recovery.

The reality is that if you’ve been diagnosed with any of the above-mentioned diseases you may actually have a Biotoxin-Mediated Illness. For more information on Chronich, biotoxin-induced illnesses and the VCS test please visit www.chronicneurotoxins.com

If you have any questions you are welcome to visit www.ordmiracles.org and e-amail me personally.

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Temperaments – Part 5

The white horse – Phlegmatic

“And I looked, and behold a white horse: and his name that sat on him was Peace.   Its rider is resistant to change and its need was to be respected and to have feelings of worth”

Skip to: Part 1   Part 2   Part 3  Part 4

As a child were you passive in your playpen and understanding if your bottle was overdue?  Did your mother brag that you were a good baby and never gave her any trouble?  Did you like to nap?  Did  you try to keep everyone happy and avoid getting in to trouble?  Then you are a Phlegmatic whose desire is to have peace at any cost.

The Phlegmatic’s underlying desire and need is to keep the peace.  When peace is not possible, the Phlegmatic often withdraws and emotionally shuts down, often refusing communication until peace is restored.  Rather than face the enemy, the Phlegmatics retreat until one side wins the war, and than they join the victorious team.  The Phlegmatic, underneath it all, is longing for respect.

Phlegmatics don’t want to be goaded on by others to become something they aren’t, they just want to be accepted as is and be considered a person of value and worth.

Because the Phlegmatic is a low-key person, their mate often take him or her for granted.  While the Phlegmatic with his/her cool relaxed nature doesn’t set out to have an affair, it is easy to see that when someone makes him/her feel important, they perk up.  Phlegmatics withdraw when they are ignored.

Because Phlegmatics are not pushy or pretentious, others often overlook them and don’t bother to pull them in to the conversation.  Although they don’t appear to mind being ignored, there comes that day when he asks himself, “What am I doing here?  If no one seems to need me, why don’t I find someone who will really care?

Phlegmatics fall in to depression when they face conflict and/or have feelings of insignificance.  Phlegmatics, however, can handle conflict if they are not personally threatened and make the best mediator or arbiter.  They are excellent counsellors giving objective views to other people’s problems, but don’t want to be the center of the controversy or be told by someone else to change their ways.

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Adriano

 

 

 

Temperaments – Part 4

The Black Horse – Melancholy

“I looked and there before me was a black horse.  Its rider rode out as a thoughtful, gifted and analytical genius but also deep, sad and depressive.”

Skip to: Part 1   Part 2   Part 3  Part 5

As a child were you sensitive you your surroundings and easily moved to tears?  Did you line up your toys in rows and go around shutting drawers that no one else seemed to notice were open?  Did you do your home work in time and even enjoy research projects?  Did you feel sorry for poor children and want to support the underdog in any situation?  Then you are a Melancholy.

From the time a Melancholy can stand up and move around he/she is trying to make the crooked paths straight.  Melancholies more than anything need perfection.  They are perfectionists who must have life in order and hopefully everyone else’s as well.  We all appreciate order and and sensitivity, but for the Melancholy these traits are emotional needs.  

A melancholy with a sanguine spouse who is a poor housekeeper either takes over the duties, criticizes his/her mistakes, or gets depressed.  The Melancholy will keep his closet  in perfect order with all pants and shirts folded exactly the same.

Florence Littauer, in her book Your Personality Tree writes about a Melancholy man who kept a milage chart on his shoes from the time he bought them to the time until he gave them away to the salvation army.  He found out when he divided the cost of the shoes by the by the number of days he wore them that that the shoes had cost him 9 cents a day.  Only a Melancholy would care!  Another man dates every light bulb in the house at the time or purchase.  This way he is able to keep a record of each bulb and know the exact length of service.

The Melancholy also has a deep need to be understood and longs for others to respond with sensitivity to his/her inner struggles and to sympathize with him over comments made by shallow people attempting to be funny.  They are sensitive to their surroundings and easily moved to tears.

Melancholies are so sensitive and have such a need for order that it is easy to see how they get so quickly depressed.  Since their desire to get everything and everyone in perfect order is never fulfilled, they either have to lower their expectations and accept life as it is or sink in to despair.

The Melancholy is also unwilling to express his/her needs, which throws others in to a constant guessing game.

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Adriano

Temperaments – Part 3

The Pale Horse – Choleric

“And I beheld, and lo a pale horse; and he that sat on him was destined to be in control.   Its rider is full of ambition, energy and passion but also easily angered and bad-tempered.”

Skip to: Part 1   Part 2   Part 4   Part 5

Cholerics more than anything else need to have control, achievement and appreciation.  Not only do they want to be in control but have little ability to catch even a glimpse of their weaknesses.  We all like to accomplish our goals and enjoy being appreciated, but for the Cholerics, these become emotional needs.

Cholerics have a great bent for leadership, but a blind spot in seeing how they effect other people.  Cholerics have a compulsion for constant achievement.  Because the Choleric is a born leader, he has the need to see things accomplished and has a mental progress list stored in his/her brain.  Where the Melancholy writes his agendas on paper, the Choleric plots his life out quickly in his head and gives instant commands to everyone in sight.  The Choleric assumes others both need and want instruction and feels those who aren’t marching to his drumbeat are lazy.

Cholerics are usually married to Phlegmatics who look forward to the weekend’s rest, so their insatiable need for getting things done now is often thwarted.  Choleric parents keep their children moving, use all available manpower, and get frustrated when their spouse don’t respond to their call to arms.

The Choleric workaholic nature appears self-satisfied, but much of what he/she does is inwardly a cry for recognition.  If he/she has not received praises as a child, he will work to death trying to stimulate his parents to enthusiastic comments.  When Cholerics don’t receive credit or others don’t thank them, they often say, “After all I’ve done for them.”

Many families are destroyed by Choleric men who feel no one at home appreciates all he has done for them and who reaches out for something to restore his slipping self-confidence.  In strutting his stuff, he finds a friend who makes him feel like a man again, and he walks away from his family.

Choleric women tend to marry Phlegmatic men and unconsciously of them and the children.  As long as everyone has an obedient attitude, the mother stays happy, but when anyone in the group rebels, she may become depressed.

Cholerics become depressed when they feel that they have lost control of where they are heading in life.  Cholerics who are physically disabled also often get depressed.

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Adriano

 

Temperaments – Part 2

The red horse – Sanguine

“And there went out a horse that was red: and the attribute was given to him that sat thereon to be spontaneous, fun-loving and to have fun in life.  But also given to him was the weakness of arrogance, impulse & constant need for approval.”

 Skip to: Part 1   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5

Sanguines more than anything just want to have fun.  The sooner we accept this the sooner we can come to the realization that they will never grow up and get down to business.

While sanguines want to have fun in life and appear to have no serious requirements for happiness, underneath it all they have a deep craving for approval.  Sanguines feed on compliments and criticism wounds  them deeply.  If a sanguine doesn’t have approval they will wilt in to uselessness.  On the other hand given praise and encouragement the sanguine will go to extremes to please you, for they want to be loved.  Everyone likes attention and approval, but for the sanguine it is an emotional need.

Sanguines are usually married to Melancholies who see no reason to give praise to something that’s not done properly in the first place and who feel constant criticism will provide positive motivation.  While the Melancholy may have applauded the Sanguine’s humor before marriage, it soon wears thin and after a while the Melancholy wont even sit in the audience, let alone clap enthusiastically.  Sanguines can always charm someone in to being their friend, and soon begin to wonder why the only person who doesn’t think he/she is cute is their mate.  The combination of an outgoing personality and the need for attention makes the Sanguine the most vulnerable for temptation from the opposite sex.

Sanguines become depressed when they are deprived of fun and attention.  When a Sanguine gets depressed, for example, because a check just bounced, contrary to logic they go out and treat everyone in sight. 

 They must be accepted by their friends and buying their way to popularity is one way of cheering themselves up while denying there is any problem.  Besides buying things, treating everyone in sight and starting new ventures the sanguine also handles depression by overeating.  Of course this ends in futility for the Sanguine loves clothes and gets additionally depressed when nothing seems to fit right anymore.

While a sanguine without a spotlight may become lonely and depressed, a change of scene or outlook will help them bounce back again.

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Adriano

Temperaments – Part 1

The 4 Horsemen of the Humors

(Part 1 – Introduction)

Skip to: Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5

As discussed in a previous post, as humans we are hard-wired to connect, we’re programmed for kindness, love and authentic intimacy.  Positive human relationships are the key to living a meaningful and joy-filled life.  Also, strong relationships, or a high degree of relational intelligence, are  factors in improving the immune system, adding to life expectancy and creating overall happiness.  

“Apocalypse” is defined as the disclosure of something hidden from the majority of humankind.  In this five-part series we “disclose” the four human temperaments, also known as personality types.  Studying the temperaments  is a tool to understanding ourselves and learning to get along with others.  By learning the underlying needs of each temperament we will have an advantage in our human relationships.  Although no two of us are exactly alike, our similarities are what provide us with a framework by which we can measure our strengths and weaknesses.

By looking at our innate desires, our needs and our emotions, our eyes will be opened and we will obtain some insight not only on to who we really are but also discover why others function the way they do.  Think of the value in understanding others and have an explanation for their behavior.  This, in my opinion, could drastically change your ability to get along with others.  The four temperaments are as follows: Sanguine, Choleric,  Melancholy & Phlegmatic.

In Part 2 of this five part series we look at the Sanguine personality (The red horse).  A person who is sanguine is generally light-hearted, fun-loving, a people person, loves to entertain, spontaneous, and confident.  However they can be arrogant, cocky, and indulgent.  The sanguine can also be day-dreamy and off task to the point of not accomplishing anything and can be impulsive, possibly acting on whims in an unpredictable fashion.

In Part 3 (the Pale Horse) we look at the Choleric personality.  A person who is choleric is a doer and a leader.  They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others.  They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types.  Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics.  On the negative side, they are easily angered and bad-tempered.

In Part 4 (the Black Horse) we analyze the Melancholy personality.  Often very kind and considerate, melancholics can be highly creative – as in poetry and art – but also can become overly pre-occupied with the tragedy and cruelty of the world, thus becoming depressed.  A melancholic is also often a perfectionist, being very particular about what they want and how they want it in some cases.  This often results in being unsatisfied with one’s own artistic or creative works and always pointing out to themselves what could and should be improved.

And finally in part 5 we’ll look at the Phlegmatic personality (the White Horse).  Phlegmatics are generally self-confident and kind, but their shy personality can often inhibit enthusiasm in others and make themselves lazy and resistant to change.  They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats.  Like the sanguine personality, the phlegmatic has many friends.  However the phlegmatic is more reliable and compassionate, traits which typically make the phlegmatic a more dependable friend.

Florence Littauer, in her book Your Personality Tree writes about a 10 year old school boy who heard her speak on the temperaments and later did a school science project based on his personal analysis of his fellow students.  For his project, Littauer writes in her book, the child made a chart entitled “Questions Regarding Human Behavior.”  Each child in the class was asked to answer the following:

Suppose a play were to be done at our school.  How would you want to be involved?

I would like to work backstage_____Why?

I would like to be student director______Why?

I would like to be cast in a leading role _____Why?

I would not want to participate ______Why?

From the boy’s tabulations there were 8 Melancholies who wanted to work backstage, 15 Cholerics who liked the idea of directing the others, 10 Sanguines who all wanted to star, and 3 Phlegmatics who didn’t care to get involved.

The concept of the four basic temperaments is so easy to understand and grasp that even a child can learn it.

Our aim in studying the temperaments should be to assess our basic strengths and realize that we are people of value and worth; to become aware of our weaknesses and set out to overcome them; to learn that just because other people are different  doesn’t make them wrong; and to accept the fact that since we can’t change them, we might as well love them as they are.

The traits of the human temperament have been labelled many different names over many centuries but they all seem to originate from Hippocrates’ theory of the humors which has been around for over 2000 years.

The contents of this post is based on Florence Littauer’s Your Personality Tree which you can find here.  For further study I also recommend checking out keirsey.com  there you can take a free test that will help you discover your personality type.

In future posts I will write on “personality masks” and the 4 temperaments as they relate to children.

Adriano

Losing myself

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